a how-to

This blog segment? A how-to, of sorts.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR MOTHER A HEART ATTACK.

Heart attack #1

Every night I go in to check that Steven is still breathing before I head to bed. (Ahem, we aren't focusing on my insane paranoia in this segment. Maybe next time.) I check the video monitor before I head in there and I can't see Steven on there. Not uncommon- the monitor is on the tall dresser on one side of the bed, so if he scoots in that corner I can't see him. So, I walk in, fully expecting to see him (and move him out of said corner) and ... he's not there.

I am obviously already panicking, look on both sides of the bed, no Little. Behind the glider, where he loves to crawl and hide, no Little. There isn't anywhere else he could be, it's not a very big room. Just as I reach for the blinds to see where the baby toddler snatcher busted in the window, I see the closet door cracked. I leap over the glider, some how not breaking an appendage, and there he is, sleeping peacefully on the floor of his closet.

I catch my breath, and go get Matt to show him what his son has done. Matt just laughs. "Why are you so upset?" OMG,IALMOSTKILLEDHIM.

We have a door knob cover on this closet door knob, mainly so he can't get in there and pull all his clothes off the hangers and make me want to rip my hair out. There aren't any toys in there, so I'm not quite sure how or why he wanted in there so badly. But he was, all cuddled up with Blankie.

After I calmed down and didn't feel like I was going to for sure vomit, I called my mom and told her. What does she say?

Mimi- ::hearty chuckles:: "Did you get a picture?!" ::more hearty chuckles::

Nope. No mom, in all my high pulse rate, vomit inducing panic I CANNOT believe I forgot to go grab the camera.

I know she meant well.

So, to honor her and her picture request, I asked bribed Little to reenact his little stunt for me.

It kind of came out.
Kind of.

Heart attack #2

It's Friday night and I'm in the office working. Steven is STUPID excited about going to see Thomas again the next morning. SO stupid, in fact, that he leapt off the love seat, nose first, right into this train table.

You know it's a bad owie when there is the initial ear splitting scream and the silence....the silent cry. OMG. They cry so hard they can't even get any sound out. YIKES. So then we had this:

It may not look that bad (and of course, the cheesy smile is very misleading) but it's a bad owie. Fairly certain this will lead to his first black eye. Called Mimi ASAP to ensure we did not have to make our first trip to Dell Children's Hospital. This should be fun explaining to his preschool teachers. "I know, it totally looks like I punched him, but I swear I didn't. NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS." His father likes to teach him to say inappropriate things.

Heart attack #3

This one wasn't so much a full-blown heart attack, but maybe like a little angina.

We had a blast at our friends birthday party this morning, and Little was tuckered out. Our office is right next to his bedroom, and I was working when he went down for a nap. I was not at all surprised when his room got silent pretty quickly after putting him down. But I WAS surprised to peek in there and find he was NOT IN HIS BED AGAIN. Automatically my eyes dart for the closet- closed. OMGNOTAGAIN. But it took a lot less time to find him, hence the indigestion-type symptoms and no signs of vomit.

I wonder how many other places I'm going to find him passed out.
I'll keep y'all updated on the black eye. And how many times CPS calls to find out if I, indeed, punched him.